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Grandmotherly Advice and Other Stuff for My Expectant Daughter

In 3 short months, I will become a grandmother. I find it funny how people congratulate me as if I had something to do with it. Other than giving birth to my daughter 22 years ago, my contribution ended there. But, I say thank-you nonetheless and smile. The important thing is this…I’m going to be a grandma…and an awesome one at that who will reach expert status in spoiling my new granddaughter. Yep…I have no shame.20160902_144333

But with my eldest having her first baby soon, I thought it would be good to dish out some grandmotherly advice to her in the only way I know how: In a blog post for everyone to see. After all, I’ve been a mom for 22 years. Surely I’ve learned something over the years. Right?

  1. Don’t be in a huge rush for big milestones. Things like rolling over, sitting up, crawling, walking, and talking are all wonderful things to experience and you should absolutely revel in each accomplishment. But don’t be in a hurry for any of it. Enjoy every moment of every day as it happens, because trust me when I say this: Before you know it, you’ll blink and your children will be grown and having babies of their own.
  2. You most definitely will be spending the first 2 years teaching your children to walk and talk and the next 16 to sit down and shut up.
  3. As your children enter their school years, you will inevitably want to step in and fight every single one of their battles for them against mean kids, teachers, and even their own friends. Don’t. They must…and I cannot emphasize this enough…MUST learn how to fight their own battles no matter how painful it is to watch. (As long as they aren’t being physically harmed. That’s another story. In those cases, you go full mom-mode and attack like a mama bear.) Otherwise, let them figure it out with a little guidance from you, of course.
  4. The more you use the word “no”, the more they’ll use it. Try to find a different way of saying it.
  5. Kids are messy. And they’re disgusting. And they one hundred percent don’t care that the couch in the family room is the first thing you and daddy bought together. Your child will ultimately spill milk on a cushion and you won’t know a thing about it until a week later when you’re trying to figure out where that awful smell is coming from. You will never have nice things as long as you have children living at home…whether they’re 6 months old, 6 years old, or 16 years old. Get over it.
  6. The first time your child uses a cuss word in front of you just to see your reaction, do not laugh or even smile. Not even a little bit. But you shouldn’t become overly angry and begin yelling, either. If you ignore it and act as though you didn’t hear it, they’ll stop. This is why your little sister only went through that phase for a week while a friend’s son never outgrew it. People may disagree with me on this one, but there’s something you should know about kids…they like attention…good or bad.
  7. Which brings me to number 7. It isn’t always easy, but praise the good and ignore the bad (to a point). Common sense is a given in certain scenarios, but let’s be honest. Our little angels don’t always act like little angels. Instead, they want to see just how far they can push mommy or daddy before the veins in our necks pop out and we lose our cool. They throw a tantrum at home, walk away. You walk away, you’ve taken away what they desire most. Your attention. But if they do something good, shower them with attention. Eventually, they’ll figure out that good attention is better than no attention at all.
  8. Manners are a lost art. Teach your children to say please and thank-you.
  9. For the love of all things holy, I’m begging you…if you’re out somewhere and your darling little angel begins to scream and throw a tantrum in public, do not just wander about the store and try to ignore it. One, it’s rude to the other people around you, but two…by ignoring this particular little gem, they’re trying to see how far they can push you. Now, I know I said you have to ignore the bad behavior, but I also said to use common sense. In situations like this, leave. Leave the store. I have literally left an entire grocery cart full of frozen items in the middle of an aisle and gone home ony to go back later…childless…and started my shopping all over again. In fact, I can think of 3 separate occasions where I’ve done this. None with you, of course. You were an angel. Your little sisters on the other hand…fb_img_1477098750909
  10. If you go to the store, never ever let your child wander from your sight. Not even for one second. This should go without saying. But I’ve worked retail during the course of my years and let me tell you something…it’s disheartening to see how many parents just let their children wander without thinking of the consequences.
  11. Yes. Stranger danger is a thing. Yes. You should teach them all about it. No. Don’t go so far as to terrify the crap out of them or you’ll never even be able to get them to go outside to get the mail from the mailbox. Trust me on this one.
  12. You will get a lot of advice about being a parent from people who have never been parents. Ignore that advice.
  13. You will get a lot of advice about being a parent from other parents who have read 30 books on the topic and believe that their way of parenting is the ONLY way to parent. Also ignore that advice.fb_img_1477098770567
  14. Don’t ever use the whole “counting to 3” trick. It rarely works and unless you’re willing to back up said threat of never allowing your sweet child to ever eat a cookie ever again (or other vain threats), getting all the way to 3 is just a waste of time.
  15. Life is what happens to you. Living is what you do as life happens. So make memories. Take lots of phots and print out those photos and put them in books. Go to the zoo. Go to a park. Go to the lake and swim. Make paper plate masks. Finger paint at the kitchen table. These are the things that your children will remember. Not the things you bought or the tangible things you gave them. It’s the things they learned and the moments they remember that will stick with them forever.
  16. From time to time, your kids will be mad at you. They’ll get over it.
  17. Read a book to your little one every night. Even when they’re only 6 months old. Read.
  18. Even if you can’t sing, sing to your little one every night. They don’t care if you’re on key or not.
  19. When they’re infants, if you’re cold, they’re cold. Bundle them up.
  20. When they’re infants, if you’re hot, they’re hot. Remove the blanket.
  21. As they get older, the same rules apply. But they will insist they’re not cold and will want to go outside without a coat when it’s 50 degrees. This is the time to go all “mom” on their butt and make them put one on…whether they like it or not.
  22. When your baby starts kindergarten, you will cry. Bring Kleenex.
  23. When your baby starts kindergarten, they will still let you kiss and hug them before getting out of the car.
  24. When your baby starts 1st grade, you are not allowed to kiss and hug them before getting out of the car. That’s for babies. But don’t get upset. You will still get plenty of hugs and kisses when they get home.
  25. When your baby starts junior high, you will cry.
  26. When your baby starts high school, you will cry.
  27. Never miss an opportunity to hold their hand, because one day they won’t let you.
  28. Never miss an opportunity to hug them and tell them you love them, because one day they’ll be a teenager and can’t be bothered.fb_img_1477098778046
  29. Never give your baby a bottle and then lie on the floor holding said baby straight up, tossing them in the air. God has a sense of humor and impeccable timing…and they will inevitably spit up inside your mouth. You’ve been warned.
  30. Think back really hard and remember all the times you thought you had pulled one over on your old mom. Guess what? You didn’t. And now there’s another you in the world. Let that sink in.
  31. Baby girls can pee for distance just like baby boys, so always keep a diaper under them when changing.
  32. When potty training, girls can projectile pee right over the seat just like a boy. Remember…butt back, lean forward. And if you forget, keep bleach wipes under the bathroom sink.
  33. Buy stock in Magic Eraser. It will clean just about anything that your child will try to destroy.
  34. Keep pens, pencils, colored pencils, markers, and crayons out of reach. Hence, the magic erasers.
  35. Give them lots of kisses.
  36. Don’t raise them, telling them how beautiful or handsome they are. Instead, tell them how they can do anything they put their mind to. Tell them to believe in themselves even when no one else will. Tell them to follow their dreams and not to let anyone…not even you…talk them out of it.
  37. When they’re teething, keep bibs on them all the time. It will keep them from drenching the front of their clothes all day long.
  38. Stepping on Legos barefoot in the middle of the night is payback for all the times your parents stepped on your Legos barefoot in the middle of the night.
  39. The “mother’s curse” has finally come true. Get ready for karma.
  40. Always allow him or her to express themselves. As long as they don’t get in trouble, get good grades, and are respectful, who cares how they wear their hair or how they dress? Remember your sister’s purple hair or that phase where you refused to comb your hair for 2 years and wore 20 rubber bracelets on each arm? You get the point.
  41. As your mother (and your baby’s grandmother), I will always…always…always be there to answer your questions and be a shoulder when the parenting thing gets rough.IMG_4977.JPG

 

Hear the Crickets has been NOMINATED!

Big news! My latest book, Hear the Crickets: Book One of The Gibborim Series, has been nominated for Paranormal Book of the year by Utopia. I am in honored that my supernatural thriller about fallen angels and a suicidal immortal is being recognized alongside other authors that I consider rock stars in the industry. It’s humbling to say the least. But to top it off, I was also nominated as Utopian of the Year. What an amazing honor…just to be nominated.

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The voting is open to the public until May 27, so make sure you click on the link below and vote for all of your favorite authors, covers, cover models, etc. You can only vote once, so make it count. The ceremony will be held in Nashville, TN in June during UtopiaCon.

UtopiaCon 2016 Awards

Going Home Again

Author Thomas Wolfe said, “You can’t go home again.” But Thomas Wolfe didn’t grow up in Northwest Iowa.

Earlier this week, I traveled back to Sioux Center, Iowa for an author panel and book signing. It’s a place I know well. I grew up on a farm outside of Sioux Center and Hull, and if you’ve read my trilogy, The Dusty Chronicles, these places will probably sound familiar. The main character, Dusty Vermeer, begins to experience supernatural phenomena as she tries to balance out her feelings for her boyfriend and a spirit she’s never met. She goes to Boyden-Hull High School, attends a Reformed Church in town, checks out books at the local libraries, and goes on dates to the local Pizza Ranch and movie theater. The characters all call Northwest Iowa home: Dusty, Mark, Sadie, Kris, Sadie…to them it’s an amazing place to exist.

There are many locations I could have based my series, but Stephen King says one should write what you know. So, there’s a reason I chose to set my first book series in my hometown.

The people.

While I was only in town for a day and a half, I’d never felt more welcome anywhere in my life. I haven’t lived there in 30 years, but the folks are still as warm and friendly as ever. Everywhere I went, I was met with a smile and a “So happy to meet you!” People I had never met were friendly and welcoming. And, many members of my extended family still live there as well as quite a few of my childhood friends. They came out in droves to see me and support my career on Tuesday night.

 

While the whole reason I went back was to be a part of the Dessert with the Authors event at the public library in town, I was also determined to make the most of the short time I had there. I wanted to check out the areas that had influenced me when I was young – the same places that influenced many of the locations in my books. The first place I went was Casey’s Bakery at the mall just off of Main Street. Uncles, aunts, and cousins showed up to see me. As we all had coffee and breakfast together, I heard, “We’re so glad you’re here!” and “You’re far too skinny!” Both comments were good for my ego.

If you’ve read Imprint, you’ll remember a scene between Dusty and Sadie that takes place at Casey’s Bakery. Not only can you get cakes and donuts from there, but they also have traditional Dutch items such as almond patties and windmill cookies. After all, in a community that is primarily Dutch, it just wouldn’t be right without the Dutch baked goods. They also have an area where they serve hot breakfast items and have possibly the best coffee I’ve ever had…and as an author, I’ve had lots of coffee in my lifetime.

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Casey’s Bakery in Sioux Center, Iowa

Later, I went back to the old homestead…the place that inspired Dusty’s farm and where she met Jack, her soulmate.

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Remember that scene with  Dusty and Jack in the hay mow? Well, there you go.

My house still looks pretty much the same. The window in the upper left was my room (the same as Dusty’s) and the upper right was my brother’s growing up. And the doorway and stairwell that leads from the kitchen to the bedrooms upstairs hasn’t changed at all: the same door, the same wood paneling, and the same carpet on the stairs. It brought back a lot of memories of sneaking downstairs as a kid and trying to listen in on conversations between my parents and older brother. As the current owner walked me through the old house, I pointed out corners and rooms where major plots took place throughout the series. It was surreal to be back, walking through a home that had given me so many memories.

Later that day, I had lunch at the Pizza Ranch in Sioux Center. That restaurant and the mall in town all played a part in my trilogy. I didn’t manage to make it to Hull’s Pizza Ranch where Dusty and Mark had their first date, but I’m hoping to make it there during my next visit.

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Mark and Dusty had a date night here. It’s also the same place that Dusty and all of her friends ate after a night at the indoor pool.

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The parking lot where it all went down in book 3. Mark – 1, Austin – 0.

In the early afternoon, a reporter from the Hull Index came to interview me at the Pizza Ranch. To be interviewed by my hometown newspaper was exciting and a bit frightening. The reporter, June, was wonderful and easy to talk to. I just kept telling myself not to let my “awkward” show too much because…well…I’m awkward.

The time finally came for the signing at the Sioux Center Public Library.

It wasn’t the same library where I’d spent hours upon hours as a child. Sadly, the building is long gone due to a fire. But upon walking inside this new library, the feeling was the same. And seeing my book on display as you walk through the front doors…it was a moment I will never forget. After all, the Sioux Center Library was where it all began for me. It’s truly where I discovered my love of books, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

During the event that night, I talked about my publishing journey, my books, and why I write young adult. I even talked about my #beceaseless campaign and how it came about. Friends and family showed up to support me as well as the other authors in attendance. I’m hoping to come back later this year and give a creative writing workshop to local teens. I may need to lure them in with pizza, but then who can say no to pizza?

IMG_20160413_104848It was wonderful being home again. In fact, it even got me wondering if I should move back there one day. Only time will. But I learned something this week. I discovered that you can go home again. Especially if your hometown is anything like mine.

Hear the Crickets – Audio Book Pre-Order is Live!

Pageflex Persona [document: PRS0000038_00071]Skyy’s a freak. She’ll tell you so herself. Her past – a mystery. Her future – uncertain. Having spent most of her life avoiding humans in an effort to conceal her wings, she wants nothing more than to end it all, leaving behind the solitary life she’s been forced to live. But numerous attempts to die have proven immortality is both a curse and a nuisance. She now lives out her days in self-imposed seclusion to stay hidden from the world. But that quiet way of life is shattered when mysterious siblings arrive and reveal a destiny which sends her running for the hills. When an earth shattering discovery is made in the Badlands, history and science collide furthering the mystery behind Skyy’s past – and her future. Skyy will need to embrace her fate and confront an evil so ancient, only a miracle can keep the world from ceasing to be.

Pre-Order the Audio Book from Amazon

Hear the Crickets is Live!

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Hear the Crickets: The Gibborim Series – Book One is available today!

Now that I’m done jumping around, doing cartwheels, and crying tears of joy (you thinking I’m kidding), I wanted to say just how incredibly humbled I am by the reviews this book has already received. And I was touched as well by the kind words left by authors Heather Lyons and Heather Hildenbrand about this story. This book was so much fun to write and the characters were a blast to create. Skyy, Dorian, Lillith, Sean, and a heavenly host of feathered creatures will hopefully keep you turning page after page until the very end.

I want to take a moment to thank all of the reviewers, bloggers, my fellow authors, my publisher, and my personal assistant for helping me get this story out into the world. And I’d also like to thank the South Dakota School of Mines for letting me pick the brain of one of their professors so I wouldn’t sound like an idiot…more so than usual anyway.

And I would especially like to thank my street team and all of the readers who have followed me from the beginning, believing in me, reading my stories, and reminding me again and again why I do what I do. I couldn’t do it without you. Love you all.

Now I’m off…to write the sequel.

***

Order your own digital copy of Hear the Crickets today. It’s available on most major platforms: Kindle, Nook, Kobo, ITunes, BookStrand, and Google Play. And paperbacks will hopefully be available through my website very soon, as well. I will keep you all posted.

Kindle: Kindle Copy
Nook: Nook Copy
Google: GooglePlay Books Copy
Kobo: Kobo Copy
iTunes: iTunes Copy
BookStrand: BookStrand Copy

And if by chance, you happen to be in the vicinity of Rapid City, South Dakota on January 30th, I will be at a book signing in town from 11am to 1pm. More details to come!

Pre-Order of Hear the Crickets

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If the Fallen rise, mankind will fall.

Skyy’s a freak. She’ll tell you so herself. Her past – a mystery. Her future – uncertain. Having spent most of her life avoiding humans in an effort to conceal her wings, she wants nothing more than to end it all, leaving behind the solitary life she’s been forced to live. But numerous attempts to die have proven immortality is both a curse and a nuisance. She now lives out her days in self-imposed seclusion to stay hidden from the world. But that quiet way of life is shattered when mysterious siblings arrive and reveal a destiny which sends her running for the hills. When an earth shattering discovery is made in the Badlands, history and science collide furthering the mystery behind Skyy’s past – and her future. Skyy will need to embrace her fate and confront an evil so ancient, only a miracle can keep the world from ceasing to be.

Pre-order my upcoming young adult supernatural thriller today!*

Kindle: http://amzn.to/1HR7TRu
Nook: http://bit.ly/1N7RKJI
Google: http://bit.ly/1ONTWGz
Kobo: http://bit.ly/1ONU3BV
iTunes: http://apple.co/1S0aIQo
BookStrand: http://bit.ly/1Qrruuh

*Published by Whiskey Creek Press

An Open Letter to My Daughter on Her 21st Birthday

Dear baby girl,

Happy birthday, my love. And congratulations on making it in one piece to this incredible milestone in your life. That’s not to say there haven’t been some bumps and potholes along the way, but then who in life can say they haven’t experienced the same? Now that you’re an adult, there are some words of wisdom I need to share. Much of it comes from my own experience. And some comes from just paying attention to the world around you. So pay attention.

  1. Your siblings are your lifeline. Friends will come and go, but your siblings are forever. Lean on one another during the hard times. Cry on each other’s shoulders for comfort. Call them first when good things happen. And never judge their choices, behavior, or decisions harshly, because one day you will need them to be just as non-judgmental when you do something questionable. Never ever take that bond you have for granted. It’s possibly one of the greatest gifts that we as parents can give you…a friend for life.
  2. I know that getting up every morning for work isn’t easy and that sometimes dealing with other people and their crappy personalities can be rough. Stress will become an everyday companion as you enter the adult world, but it doesn’t have to control you. Remember that your job is just that…your job. It isn’t your life. Leave work at the door.
  3. Do what you love. Love what you do. For goodness sakes…don’t work in a career field you hate for 40 years. Your sanity and happiness are worth more than money.
  4. Responsibility sucks. But so does living paycheck to paycheck. Never ever quit one job before having another lined up. Trust me. You’ll never find a new job as quickly as you think you can.
  5. Get rid of the toxic people in your life. Being an adult can be tricky, but having the right people at your side can make all the difference in the world. If there are people in your life sucking the happiness out of you, separate yourself from them. For good. You don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
  6. Never rush into anything important. Rash decisions are usually a bad idea. Buying a home, buying a car, getting married, having children, choosing a daycare…..always take your time.
  7. Be spontaneous. I know, I know. I just contradicted myself. But hear me out. Go out for dinner at the last minute with the man you love, even if you aren’t wearing any makeup. Wake up on a Saturday morning and drive for 3 hours just to eat at a burger place in a different county. Have fun. You’re only young once.
  8. Find your tribe. A tribe is a group of people who like you and will support you no matter what. They will lift you up and encourage you at every turn. When you fall down and feel like you can’t get up, they’ll be there to help you get back on your feet. I can’t begin to tell you how important this is.
  9. Follow your dreams, whatever they are. My entire life was spent trying to fit into a mold of someone else’s design. I was told that I could be anything I wanted to be so long as it was exactly what they wanted me to be. In the end, I spent the majority of my life trying to make other people happy while I was making myself miserable. And being miserable just made those close to me miserable as well. But once I surrounded myself with a supportive tribe of people who truly believed in me, and I started to live my dream, life began to fall into place. And I was happy.
  10. Never give up. When you fall down, get up. When you fall down again, get up again. Repeat as necessary. Eventually…you’ll stop falling.
  11. If you never try, you’ve already failed. So regardless of how afraid you are of something, give it a shot. You have nothing to lose.
  12. Fear is not your enemy. Complacency is.
  13. The older you get, the faster time flies. Trust me. One day, you’re minding your own business thinking how young you still are and suddenly you’ll look down and realize you have the hands of an old woman. It catches up to you fast. Don’t be in a such a hurry to get to Friday each week. Those Fridays add up. Don’t be in a such a hurry for your children to talk, walk, and start school, because one day you’ll look up and they’ve left the nest. Time is an unkind mistress. Make every day count.
  14. Be grateful for what you have and don’t pine for what you don’t. Let’s face facts. We can’t all be millionaires and live in giant home, drive fast cars, own registered horses, and go on expensive vacations. As much as we’d like to have those things in our lives, it isn’t realistic for 99% of us. Instead, be happy with what you have. And most of all, don’t go into debt trying to attain that perfect life. Perfect is a relative term.
  15. Never…and I can’t emphasize this enough…never ever compare yourself to anyone else. It’s exhausting. And the funny thing is this — while you’re comparing yourself to other people, wondering why you fall short of their perfection, someone is looking in your direction thinking they need to compare themselves to you.
  16. Figure out who you are and be that with everything you have. Never apologize for being you.
  17. When you find THE guy, make date night a priority. Even if it’s only once a month. Make the time to be a couple. Don’t get so consumed in your lives that you forget why you’re together in the first place.
  18. Life is full of pain. We all have it in one form or another. But it’s how you deal with that pain that will define you. If you focus on the pain and things that are completely out of your control, that’s all you’ll know. Instead, focus on the things you do have control over. Focus on the good. Place all your energy into making your life and the life of others better.
  19. Stay out of debt. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.
  20. Trust your gut. As a woman, it will rarely fail you. But you have to listen to it.
  21. Write down your goals. Look at them often. Figure out how to achieve them.
  22. Never tell yourself you can’t. Always ask yourself how can you.
  23. If you’re rude to a server at a restaurant, just know they’re spitting in your food. Kindness begets kindness. Being a jackass has repercussions.
  24. A crockpot can be your best friend.
  25. Get a pet. Stop worrying about the hair. That’s why you own a vacuum. They’ll love you unconditionally. Trust me. After a bad day, they can make it all better.
  26. Take care of yourself. Take care of your teeth. Work out. Drink plenty of water. Use moisturizer. Take vitamins. Eat a balanced diet. I’m telling you…you don’t want to look back and wish you’d taken better care of yourself. By then, it’s too late.
  27. Never buy generic toilet paper.
  28. Always buy generic dry noodles.
  29. Target is the most addicting place to shop. Never ever think you can simply go in for one item and leave with just that one item. You’re just kidding yourself.
  30. Smile more
  31. Cry more
  32. Love more